I remember back in 2000 when I was so excited to finally go back to school to finish my undergrad. I has stopped going to school in 1997 with 3 years in because my father had died and I was really just a basket case. 3 years later, I was living in Cali and I had figured out that I wanted to help people. I decided to go back to school so applied to a bunch of schools and was accepted to a Christian college The Masters College. Then. . .in the months before I started, I got sick.
It all started with a cat scratch on one foot. It seemed to get infected and my foot swelled up like a balloon. It was swollen (edematous) hot and red (erythematous) and VERY painful (like a 9 out of 10). I didn't have insurance so when I called doctors. . .I couldn't find one who would see me! I told them I would pay out of pocket but they all refused. I finally found an office and they transferred me to actually speak to the doctor. He said that I needed to be seen right away and told me to come in. I was treated with antibiotics and my foot got better but then a few weeks later, the SAME thing happened but now on the other side! I went back to the doctor and that is how it all began.
I would have weeks at a time where one or both feet were so swollen that I could barely walk. It was almost impossible to function. I had a slew of tests for everything under the sun. . .the good news was that I didn't have any of the things they tested me for. Sarcoid=no, Lupus=no, rheumatoid arthritis=no, gout=no. . .I had biopsies, endoscopies, chest xrays, and blood work every week. The bad news was that the doctor did not know what was wrong with me. I had to delay starting school, and finally I had to tell them that I couldn't go at all. I spent all of my time going to the doctor to try to figure out what was wrong with me. I thought that if I could get a "diagnosis" that I could get "treated" and it would be all better.
I had prednisone tapers over and over. I was on 3 months of antibiotics at one point and I developed c-dif. And at one point I had seizures. I have been through it all!
Time passed and passed and passed. . .I had ER visits galore. I had so many awful doctor experiences, but I always had my one doctor who was just amazing. Finally, my doctor told me that basically I needed to get over it. He said that it was possible (actually very likely) that I would never have the "diagnosis" that I was seeking. He advised me to shift my focus from the sick role to the healthy role. He told me that I should try to improve my diet and that I should stop going to see him.
He was amazing. . .it made sense to me. I looked at my life and realized that "the condition" was defining me as a person. Instead of being "the condition", I needed to be ME!
So that's what I did! I changed a bunch of things and things gradually got better. I was still pretty sick, though, so I moved back to CT to be near family. I was still having "flare ups". . .they were just less frequent. I went to see a rheumatologist at UCONN Health Center. . .Dr. Rothfield. On my second visit, she told me that I needed to stop focusing on getting better and DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE! She asked me what I wanted to do. I told her that I kinda wanted to be a doctor. That I knew I wanted to help people and everything I had been through made me want to work with sick people. I told her that I was going to go back to school once I was more better because I didn't want to start and have the rug ripped out from under me. She said that I needed to not live in fear and that she thought that if I moved FORWARD with things. . .it would probably HELP me!
So that's what I did. After being out of school for TEN YEARS. . .I went back. I was scared as bagoogles. . .but I did it.
That was the journey that led me to go back to school at age 32. Next time, I will talk about undergrad and all of the things that I think are important to know if you are trying to go to medical school that I wish someone would have told ME!
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